Hurricane Tips

Received via email.
You MUST have a sense of humor in life to get by.


To: Former Gulf Coast Residents
Current Gulf Coast Residents
Future Gulf Coast Residents; and/or
Those who know a Gulf Coast Resident

We have just entered the 6-month hurricane season. Any day now, you're going to turn on the TV and see a weather person pointing to some radar blob out in the Gulf of Mexico and making two basic meteorological points:
(1) There is no need to panic.
(2) We could all be killed.

Yes, hurricane season is an exciting time to live along the Gulf Coast.

If you're new to the area, you're probably wondering what you need to do to prepare for the possibility that we'll get hit by "the big one."

Based on our experiences, we recommend that you follow this simple three-step hurricane preparedness plan:

STEP 1. Buy enough food and bottled water to last your family for at least three days.

STEP 2. Put these supplies into your car.

STEP 3. Drive to Nebraska and remain there until Thanksgiving.

Unfortunately, statistics show that most people will not follow this sensible plan.
Most people will foolishly stay here in Gulf Coast area.

So we'll start with one of the most important hurricane preparedness items:

HOMEOWNERS' INSURANCE: If you own a home, you must have hurricane insurance. Fortunately, this insurance is cheap and easy to get, as long as your home meets two basic requirements:

(1) It is reasonably well-built, and
(2) It is located in Nebraska.

Unfortunately, if your home is located along the Gulf Coast, or any other area that might actually be hit by a hurricane, most insurance companies would prefer not to sell you hurricane insurance, because then they might be required to pay YOU money, and that is certainly not why they got into the insurance business in the first place.

So you'll have to scrounge around for an insurance company, which will charge you an annual premium roughly equal to the replacement value of your house. At any moment, this company can drop you like used dental floss.

Since Hurricane Katrina, I have had an estimated 27 different home-insurance companies. This week, I'm covered by the Bob and Big Stan Insurance Company, under a policy which states that, in addition to my premium, Bob and Big Stan are entitled, on demand, to my kidneys.

SHUTTERS: Your house should have hurricane shutters on all the windows, all the doors, and -- if it's a major hurricane -- all the toilets. There are several types of shutters, with advantages and disadvantages. Plywood shutters: The advantage is that, because you make them yourself, they're cheap. The disadvantage is that, because you make them yourself, they will fall off. Sheet-metal shutters: The advantage is that these work well, once you get them all up. The disadvantage is that once you get them all up, your hands will be useless bleeding stumps, and it will be December. Roll-down shutters: The advantages are that they're very easy to use, and will definitely protect your house. The disadvantage is that you will have to sell your house to pay for them.

HURRICANE PROOF WINDOWS: These are the newest wrinkle in hurricane protection: They look like ordinary windows, but they can withstand hurricane winds! You can be sure of this, because the salesman says so. He lives in Nebraska.

HURRICANE PROOF YOUR PROPERTY: As the hurricane approaches, check your yard for movable objects like barbecue grills, planters, patio furniture, visiting relatives, etc. You should, as a precaution, throw these items into your swimming pool (if you don't have a swimming pool, you should have one built immediately). Otherwise, the hurricane winds will turn these objects into deadly missiles.

EVACUATION ROUTE: If you live in a low-lying area, you should have an evacuation route planned out. (To determine whether you live in a low-lying area, look at your driver's license; if it says "Galveston, New Orleans, Houston, or any other location close to the coast, you live in a low-lying area.) The purpose of having an evacuation route is to avoid being trapped in your home when a major storm hits. Instead, you will be trapped in a gigantic traffic jam several miles from your home, along with two hundred thousand other evacuees. So, as a bonus, you will not be lonely.

HURRICANE SUPPLIES: If you don't evacuate, you will need a mess of supplies. Do not buy them now! Hurricane tradition requires that you wait until the last possible minute, then go to the supermarket and get into vicious fights with strangers over who gets the last can of SPAM. In addition to food and water, you will need the following supplies: 23 flashlights. At least $167 worth of batteries that turn out, when the power goes out, to be the wrong size for the flashlights.

BLEACH: (No, I don't know what the bleach is for. NOBODY knows what the bleach is for. But it's traditional, so GET some!)

A 55-gallon drum of underarm deodorant.

A big knife that you can strap to your leg. (This will be useless in a hurricane, but it looks cool.)

A large quantity of raw chicken, to placate the alligators. (Ask anybody who went through Hurricane Andrew in Florida; after the hurricane, there WILL be irate alligators.)

$35,000 in cash or diamonds so that, after the hurricane passes, you can buy a generator from a man with no discernible teeth.

Of course these are just basic precautions. As the hurricane draws near, it is vitally important that you keep abreast of the situation by turning on your television and watching TV reporters in rain slickers standing right next to the ocean and tell you over and over how vitally important it is for everybody to stay away from the ocean.

Good luck and remember: it's great living in paradise! Those of you who aren't here yet you should come. Really!

Good place to hide

The Katrina Foundation for Recovery is hoping to shock people into turning their attention back to the storm-ravaged region.


“Bin Laden would be smart to hide where the U.S. pays the least attention -- New Orleans,” reads one of five advertisements prepared for the nonprofit, which raises money to supply clothing, shelter and other services in the area.



found at adblog

Things back to "normal" yet?

For all of the folks out there who wonder if things in this area are "finally back to normal" after almost two years post Katrina, Tim has offered up a very good answer.

Read it and become educated.

A Banner Week

Perhaps it's the mid summer blues or something, but seems like the scuzzbuckets are crawling out of the woodwork.
Found over at
The Chicory, it appears that some corn fed sportswriter is voicing his opinion about the rebuilding of New Orleans and his overall opinion of its denizens.

Mr. Sportswriter Bryce Lambley

Varg's retorts are great, but it's Mr. Lambley's comments like this that make me a tad pissed off

But let's put things into perspective. If you or I are crazy enough to build much more than a ramshackle cabin on a Platte River island or shore, and a flood sweeps it away, folks here won't have much sympathy for our decision to build there in the first place. We take the risks of developing such land knowingly.


All I can say is that I'm glad I live here in Southeast Louisiana where people have heart. I can't imagine living in a place where it's so cold it makes one heartless.

I hope one day a deer gets you, Mr. Sportswriter.

PERPETUAL SCUZZBUCKETS

the hits just keep on coming…..
From ABC news, another example of FEMA's total insanity, ice that was meant for the aftermath of Katrina is now going to be melted because it can't be used:

After a slow start, FEMA trucked in more than 200 million pounds -- way too much, as it turned out.
Stuck with the unused ice, FEMA put it back on trucks and sent it to storage centers all over the country -- even to far away Portland, Maine -- and paid storage costs, hoping to use it in a future disaster.
Now, two years later, FEMA has decided it may be contaminated, and will finally dump it.
We're talking big ice here -- 85 million pounds. How many gin and tonics could you ice with that? And how many people could you cool off who are pretty steamed about the waste?
On Sunday in New Orleans, Lauren Michele Fields told ABC News, "The ice story, it's infuriating but completely believable and obvious that it happened."

It's been $12.5 million to store this ice for two years, said Beth Normile, "and I think people will be outraged and frustrated."


I experienced the aftermath of Katrina in Slidell, Louisiana. We did not see ice for almost a week. It took that
long to get it shipped to the local Wal-Mart, where they were giving it away. For weeks ice was being rationed out to people. It was
a precious commodity. To see this as yet another example of the gross negligence of the federal agency is beyond disgusting.

On another front, the former head of FEMA, James Lee Witt found a way to jump into the "screw the victims" bloodbath
by charging the state of Louisiana double the cost for subcontractor services.

from MSNBC dot com
Blanco hired Witt Associates to help Louisiana’s stricken communities work through federal red tape and to help manage storm debris removal. The governor’s move was praised as a necessary step to getting the overwhelmed state on the road to recovery.
But the state’s open-ended no-bid contract with Witt Associates also raised concerns about the financial implications of privatizing disaster relief.
In an October 2005 New York Times article, Witt was clearly sensitive to the notion that he might prosper from the Katrina disaster. “I just don’t want anyone to say that we used this as a way to profit or to try to get new business,” he said. “I just don’t want that.”
And during a taped forum at the National Press Club the following month, Witt said emphatically, “I’m not charging Louisiana anything if I’m not doing something for Louisiana.”
Nevertheless, according to information obtained by NBC News through public records, internal documents and interviews, Witt’s company has made millions of dollars from sizable markups on work performed by its subcontractors

here is a copy of a timesheet
showing markups by Witt's company for services performed by RMI debris monitors
"RMI paid one worker $18 an hour. Records show that RMI then billed Witt Associates about $50 an hour. Witt Associates subsequently billed the state $100 for that same hour of work.
"

Again from MSNBC, Witt's organization blatantly falsified timesheets

“Every week, four to five times a week, I would write, you know, ‘very slow’ or ‘nothing going on,’ ” he recalls.

Yet, he says, his supervisor told him to report 11.5-hour workdays anyway.
“I was told by the supervisor that we had to do that or they would get somebody else to do it,”

There's much more in the article. I'm too disgusted to go on.

home sweet home

Just got back from a road trip that took us through
click pictures for full-sized versions























Why does my home state insist on putting a freaking turkey
on the welcome sign?






And back again. It was great seeing family, the ocean


and mountains,


but - despite everything - it's good to be home down here in Southeast Louisiana again.

Rebirth

Strong Roots . The Times Picayune's multi-media feature on New Orleans neighborhoods on the rebound from Katrina. Updated to feature Mid City, The Lower 9th Ward, Broadmoor, Gentilly, Lakeview and St. Bernard Parish.

Another layer of flavor

Another ingredient in the make up of the post Katrina population gumbo is becoming evident in supermarkets from Houma to Biloxi.
I've noticed the emergence of a wider variety of "Latino" food available in the stores around the Slidell area. I like the influx of a Latino influence
in the food we love to eat.

From the Sun Herald news, July 8, 2007:
Latin American tastes have spread across the Coast, creating a market for cuisine that's Hot hot hot

The converging realities of a larger Hispanic community and discovery of a new taste by other ethnic groups is causing even the big-name supermarkets such as Winn-Dixie and Wal-Mart to give those groceries more real estate on their shelves.
The Latino food section has gotten wider and wider over the years at the Winn-Dixie at the intersection of Pass and Popp's Ferry roads (in Gulfport, MS).
Nowadays it rivals in length that most assimilated of ethnic foods enjoyed by the American palate - Italian pastas and sauces - which sit in almost equal proportion across the aisle.
We are putting in a lot more product. We're getting stories from our stores that they are selling very well, said Jim Carrado, Winn-Dixie's senior director of merchandising. "It's clearly the No. 1 ethnic food we deal in."
The common tortillas and salsa bottles have been joined by more exotic fare. Sofrito seasoning and mole sauces compete with the popular Mexican soft drink Jarritos for consumers' attention.
The outsized selection dwarfs Asian and Jewish products that also populate the ethnic food aisle, providing more proof demand for Latino foods has pushed to the forefront in South Mississippi.
Area Wal-Marts have been seeing the same trends. Spokeswoman Amy Wyatt-Moore said increasing sales of Hispanic products are being driven mainly by an increased Hispanic population since Hurricane Katrina, though more non-Hispanics are also buying

Media Whore

Media whore to defile my neighborhood
Cindy Sheehan is back in the fight for peace justice and coming to New Orleans next Wednesday July, 11, 2007. On her way from Crawford, Texas to Washington, DC and then to the “Gather in of Hearts Fest” Central Park, NY, NY.
Cindy decided to get back into the fight after The Bush League White House commuted the sentence of I. Skater Libby. Her goal is not to lead the movement.
Rather, to use her name and access to media to help local organization get media attention to hear opinions of the Democratic Machine that used her up and spit her out after the elections last fall.
Contrary to popular thinking she does not have allot [sic] of money. Since the Democrats have walked away from her mission so has most of her support from BIG MONEY.
Rally Lower Ninth Ward Deslonde St @ the location of the Levee Wall breach
Local Schedule For New Orleans: July 11 arrive New Orleans, LA. 2pm-ish Deslonde St in Lower Ninth Ward Levee Wall. Evening dinner and camp fire talks at Bayou Liberty Slidell, LA for partnering Organizations directions provided at the afternoon event.

I hope it rains the whole time she's here.

Scuzzbucket of the Week

Robert Thorson, supposedly a Professor of Geology at the University of Connecticut.

I say "supposedly" because in this article, "Politics Aside, New Orleans is a Lost Cause", published in the Hartford Courant, he states .... I just wish that one of the Democratic contenders had been forthright, calling the Katrina tragedy a natural disaster...My plan has only one point. That we not spend another dime on U.S. properties below sea level - and use that money instead to help sea-level refugees find safer homes elsewhere.


What a maroon.

NOLA bloggers Ashley Morris , Pistolette and geologist Maitri among others have penned responses to this scuzzbucket.

Pistolette wrote No wonder most people in New Orleans want France to buy us back. With compatriots like you, who needs jihadis?

Ashley mused is painfully obvious is that Mr Thorson is evidently not aware that most of the city of New Orleans is above sea level. Far above. Farther than many points in Hartford, Connecticut.

Mr Thorson is suggesting that New Orleans be abandoned for all the wrong reasons. The reasons he should be most ashamed of are bad research and bad science on his part.

Maitri closes her response with
but this is a matter of life and death for New Orleans, not an intellectual plaything or the next topic for a journal paper. That America and the rest of the world understand what went on here before, during and after Katrina and the Flood is crucial. Heaven forbid that something similar should occur in Bridgeport, New Haven or Niantic, or even Hartford for that matter. In such a circumstance, it is critical that local residents and onlookers appreciate the difference between natural and unnatural, unavoidable and unjust. It is vitally important that educators and students, especially of geology, learn from this horror and use the proper information and tools to make sure it never happens again. This would be the best tribute to the 1300 New Orleanians who lost their lives in a most unnatural way.


Varg over at The Chicory considers this "professor" and enemy of the state, along with Rep. Dennis Hastert
(Enemy to the Peoples and Cultures of New Orleans and South Louisiana) and Slate's Jack Shafer who wrote Don't Refloat, the case against rebuilding the sunken city of New Orleans back in September 2005.

The Only Flag That Matters

Wet Bank Guide: The Only Flag That Matters