Pictured here is The late Kevin Greeson, 55, of Athens, Alabama, who is among the five who perished at the Capitol on January 6. The photo is taken from his Parler post captioned “I hope those motherfuckers come to my hood.” I am uncertain who the referenced motherfuckers are. Mr Greeson was listed as having died due to a “medical emergency.” For reasons which will become obvious, no reputable news source would likely confirm the details that have emerged about his cause of death regardless of their truth, but I suspect that you will accept them as true, as I have, because of the comfort that they bring you.
Naturally, we do not rejoice in the suffering and death of a fellow human being because that would be heartless and cruel. I am not saying there is always an exception that proves the rule, but if there is, some might think this is it.
Mr. Greeson was part of the mob that entered the Capitol building during the electoral college vote count on Wednesday, January 6. He did not bring any of the guns pictured here with him into the building but he was carrying his taser gun. Although according to his family he did not go to Washington to take part in any rioting but to be a witness to history, he apparently got caught up in the moment. Seeing a painting of longtime House Speaker Thomas P. “Tip” O’Neill, Mr. Greeson sought to steal the painting in the midst of the chaos. Placing his taser between his thighs in order to reach with both arms to remove the painting from the wall, he tensed his leg muscles in a manner which caused the weapon, by this time quite unfortunately aimed at his nutsack, to accidentally discharge. The muscle contractions prompted by his tasing himself in the scrotum caused the weapon to remain between his legs and to repeatedly discharge at point blank range in the direction of his manpouch, ultimately causing him to go into cardiac arrest, fall limply to the marble floor of the hallowed halls of Congress, and ultimately to expire
To summarize, or dare I say “in a nutshell,” Mr Greeson died as a result of a heart attack caused by his tasing himself repeatedly in the balls while attempting to steal a painting of Tip O’Neill during his participation in a riotous insurrection designed to disrupt the counting of electoral college votes in the presidential election.
Kids, Grandpa will not be coming home today. He went to our nation’s capital, and I know you’re disappointed he didn’t bring you back that souvenir painting of Tip O’Neill that he’d always promised you, but he’s part of history now, god bless him.
It’s always a comfort to know that someone died for his beliefs. Kevin believed the election was tainted. He believed that therefore he should get a free painting of the late house speaker Tip O’Neill for his living room. He believed that it was a good idea to hold his loaded taser between his legs.
It is not easy to identify a silver lining to the tragic images we can not avoid conjuring in our heads, of Kevin’s privileged middle-aged balls under continuous assault by self-inflicted high-voltage electrical charges while his convulsing body refuses to release its patriotic death grip on the portrait of the Honorable Democratic gentleman from the great state of Massachusetts. Who among us, regardless of party or political ideology, gender identity or ethnic origin, can hold that image in our minds without tearing up just a little? But perhaps we can find solace in the fact that Kevin’s tragic passing has brought us together in shared sadness. And perhaps we can immortalize him by naming the entire insurrection in his honor, The Taser Putz Tip O’Neill Coronary Rebellion.
Rest In Peace.
#tiponeillpainting #tiponeill #capitolriot #insurrection2021 #insurrection #taser #Taserballs From rob hill on facebook
