I can't believe I'm saying this, but it looks like Trump is actually making America great again. Just look at the progress made since the election:
1. Unprecedented levels of ongoing civic engagement.
2. Millions of Americans now know who their state and federal representatives are without having to google.
3. Millions of Americans are exercising more. They're holding signs and marching every week.
4. Alec Baldwin is great again. Everyone's forgotten he's kind of a jerk.
5. The Postal Service is enjoying the influx cash due to stamps purchased by millions of people for letter and postcard campaigns.
6. Likewise, the pharmaceutical industry is enjoying record growth in sales of anti-depressants.
7. Millions of Americans now know how to call their elected officials and know exactly what to say to be effective.
8. Footage of town hall meetings is now entertaining.
9. Tens of millions of people are now correctly spelling words like emoluments, narcissist, fascist, misogynist, holocaust and cognitive dissonance.
10. Everyone knows more about the rise of Hitler than they did last year.
11. Everyone knows more about legislation, branches of power and how checks and balances work.
12. Marginalized groups are experiencing a surge in white allies.
13. White people in record numbers have just learned that racism is not dead. (See #6)
14. White people in record numbers also finally understand that Obamacare IS the Affordable Care Act.
15. Stephen Colbert's "Late Night" finally gained the elusive #1 spot in late night talk shows, and Seth Meyers is finding his footing as today's Jon Stewart.
16. "Mike Pence" has donated millions of dollars to Planned Parenthood since Nov. 9th.
17. Trump has succeeded where thousands of history teachers failed - now everybody knows who Frederick Douglass was.
18. Melissa FREAKING McCarthy.
19. Travel ban protesters put $24 million into ACLU coffers in just 48 hours, enabling them to hire 200 more attorneys. Lawyers are now heroes.
20. As people seek veracity in their news sources, respected news outlets are happily reporting a substantial increase in subscriptions, a boon to a struggling industry vital to our democracy.
21. Live streaming court cases and congressional sessions are now as popular as the Kardashians.
22. Massive cleanup of facebook friend lists.
23. People are reading classic literature again. Sales of George Orwell's "1984" increased by 10,000% after the inauguration. (Yes, that is true. 10,000%. 9th grade Lit teachers all over the country are now rock stars.)
24. More than ever before, Americans are aware that education is important. Like, super important.
25. Now, more than anytime in history, everyone believes that anyone can be President. Seriously, anyone.
Monday, February 20, 2017
Sunday, February 19, 2017
Piss-eyed Tango monster demands everyone say nice things about it
From The UK Website The Daily Mash
A DESPERATE, blithering fuck-up has demanded the media accurately report how unbelievably fantastic it is.
The unnaturally fluorescent mass of insecurities, apparently incapable of understanding basic logic, told press that the real story was how incredible it was and how much everyone loved it.
The thing, which blankly opened and closed a hole in its face even when not speaking as if in an autonomous feeding reflex, was able to respond to human speech but experts believe it is simply mimicry, devoid of meaning.
BBC reporter Julian Cook said: “It appeared to answer questions, but when you read back the answers they’re nothing but a torrent of unconnected words mixed with a keening refrain of pathetic self-praise.
“We believe this creature actually feeds on adulation and has adapted to seek out high concentrations of it, but instead is now exposed to unprecedented levels of toxic criticism causing it to lash out.”
He added: “Its neediness is almost to be pitied, if it wasn’t such a contemptible sack of orange shit.”