Sunday, July 31, 2011
I woke up today feeling very vulnerable and sad. I really can't pin down the reason for being blue. I guess it has a lot to do with what's going on in my life right now. All the thoughts and repressed emotions have bubbled up and today was the day that they reached the surface of my consciousness.
Don't take this wrong, I'm not writing a "woe is me" post, just airing out these things to try to put them in perspective.
One of the oldest issues I've been carrying around is my impending loss of employment. It's not the losing the job that bothers me as much as losing touch with people I've literally grown up with:
We will soon scatter to different parts of the country, perhaps never to meet again. Social media will help some of us keep connected, which makes it a little easier.
Actually I'm excited about my future. I have absolutley no idea what I'll end up doing and that doesn't really bother me. I've done the corporate things for more than half my life and I am over it!
My beautiful, sweet 23 year old daughter left for her last semester of school today. That makes me melancholy . While I truly enjoy my alone time, I cherish the time that she and I get to spend together. She has grown up smart and strong and I am extremely proud of her.
She will be graduating in December at a Chef/Nutritionist. She and I spend so much time talking about food, exploring grocery stores, creating recipes and eating. I miss her presence.
My husband's 86 year old mother passed away last week and the services were on July 30th. I believe the catalyst for my sadness was the memorial services. While she led a fruitful and long life, I was saddened to see her family suffering emotionally, especially her 90+ year old sisters.
Life is full of changes and we get through them any way we can. We become stronger by surviving the not so good changes. Experience is a fantastic teacher. The good changes in life also mold our character as we go through life. We experienced a good change a few weeks ago when we adopted a puppy. A huge, excitable puppy.
His name is Deuce and he is five months old. 55 pounds. He's part Lab, part Chesepeake Bay Retriever. He drove me to frustrated tears today. See, Deuce had a little sore on his leg so he had to have a the E-cone put over his head. The cone is falling apart because Deuce is such a goofball so he runs into things. I was trying to tape the cone together this morning and it was impossible to do by myself and I lost it. I am not a dog person. While Deuce is extremely smart, he's still just a puppy and I don't know where to start in calming him down. He's fine right now while I'm sitting on the sofa typing. But the minute I get up he starts wagging his tail and wants to jump. Someone tell me WHAT is a way to get a puppy's attention? It's driving me mad! He will sit on command (for a second), but his puppyness makes him have a very, very short attention span.
So yeah, life is full of changes and I'm happy to embrace them. I guess we just have to take some days off and process all the changes and regroup our emotions so we can get through life. That's what I'm doing today and that's why I posted this, it helped! Thanks.