Tom on Americans' Take of Mexican Food

 

Happy Cinco de Mayo! It's a holiday that Americans use to celebrate
their Mexican heritage by folks who are not themselves Mexican. It's
comparable to St Patrick's Day in that respect. It's just another
excuse for folks to party and drink to excess. The people who consume
vast amounts of tequila and Mexican beers like Corona and Dos Equis,
among others, eat vast amounts of what purports to be Mexican food,
although much of such food is more Tex than Mex. Probably much of what
we think of as Mexican food suitable for consumption on Cinco de Mayo
will actually be the sort of dreck served at the nation's Taco Bell
drive-ins and Chipotle's Mexican Grilles. I can honestly say that I've
never crossed the threshold of either chain. Both of my kids enjoyed
Taco Bell But I've never been tempted. Perhaps it was the smell of
rotting horseshit that escaped from the bags containing their
take-out orders that they would consume in the darkness of their
bedrooms, which would therefrom be lit by the fluorescence of decay.

If Taco Bell is an excretable version of Mexican food most often
enjoyed by drunks and homeless people, Chipotle Mexican Grill is the
best place to go if you enjoy the excitement of explosive diarrhoea in
a 'Fast Casual' setting. You would be well advised to have an ample
supply of moistened towelettes on hand when you visit, because should
you suffer from he 'Chipotle Cha-Cha, be advised that contact with
this diarrheal exudate has been known to cause serious burns if left
untreated. Chipotle is well known for the disturbing incidence of
food borne illnesses that it is found to be responsible for. The chain
has actually attempted to open outlets in Mexico City but has faced
universal criticism and quickly closed

Besides it's role in putting the children of gastroenterologists
through college, Chipotle is famous for the inauthentic appearance of
the models used in their ads The young folks depicted in said ads are
so White and Aryan looking that they bring to mind the old
recruitment posters for Hitlerjugend (Hitler Youth) to mind. None of
them would be mistaken for Mexican, ever.